Oracularities
Purpose: I've been answering questions for the USENET Oracle, when his
nibs is a bit too busy to give his omniscience out to us commoners.
Some people think what I've written is funny, or entertaining, or in the
highest praise of Steve Willer, "doesn't make me angry." I've been trying
to answer at least a question a day, to keep my mind sharp. Sometimes
I'll even do research to answer the question
properly. Sometimes I'll just insult them.
January 2002 Goal: The year's up; and in one way, I failed.
I didn't make it to 200 in a year.
However, the true purpose has been a success. Like many things in
life, the point wasn't to reach the destination, it was the journey. The
true purpose was to improve my writing skills, and to create a large body
of writing. So, I may have failed in my goal, but the reason why I set
that goal has been more than satisfied. I've managed to have an answer
in the each of the last three Oracularities Digests of the year 2002, and
overall 23 of my 190-or-so oracularities were nominated for best-of
collections. I did well.
Final Progress: 196/260 (0.75) complete.
Goal: 200/260 (0.77) by end of year.
|
More News: Some people have been asking about the older Oracularities.
So now I've made the oracularities searchable: |
Instructions: Click on the dates (in bright white) to read both
the question and answer
for that day. Some are marked as chosen to be published in the
Oracularities (a best-of digest, published irregularily).
(This is only the most recent 30. I'm up to 493
and that makes for a rather large webpage.)
- 2005-12-16
> O Oracle mighty please why
> Can't I look in my ear with my eye
> I'd sure love to do it
> If you'll talk me through it
> I know we'll succeed if we try.
- 2005-12-07
> Oh mighty Oracle whose breath creates the wind, whose shine creates
> the light, whose feet shaped the world, please answer this lowly
> supplicant's question: are all the conspiracy theory nut-jobs in
> collusion?
- 2005-11-25
>>Oh Oracle most wise,
>>How long are the intestines?
- 2005-11-20
>oh mighty oracle who knows all sees all and always changes your
>underwear every day! Please tell me:
>I used to be an incarnation quite a bit years ago, and was digested
>many times, did well and had fun. I thought I would start again, but
>all I can come up with are stupid answers, pointless reference and
>depressing commentary. are my days as a good oracle incarnation over
>and done with? how can I restore my connection to the wit and wisdom
>of the oracle?
- 2005-11-08
>>Oracle most potent, whose wisdom none can contest
>>and few can fathom, pray consider these premises:
>>Power corrupts.
>>Absolute power corrupts absolutely.
>>Freedom means being empowered.
>>Can you, please, do the maths?
- 2005-11-06
>>Most grand and wise oracle, why did Apple CEO Steve Jobs falll to the dark
>>Intel force when he might have gone AMD?
- 2005-11-01
> What is the meaning with life?
- 2005-10-13
>>Hark, wise Oracle, you are in tune with nature and science
>>equally,
>>How can I keep all these pesky Orcs away from my horses?
- 2005-10-04
>>Wise Oracle most exalted and eminent, may honor, riches, long
>>continuance, bond price increasing, common supermarket-blessings,
>>and pay by the hourly joys be upon you!
>>What would be the most appreciated item to hand out to Trick-
>>or-Treaters this Halloween?
- 2005-03-17
> how do I send you a question?
- 2005-03-12
> Oh most indescibably groovy Oracle...
> Please state some answers to which there are no questions. Note that
> I have not phrased my request as a question.
- 2005-03-10
> Oh, most magnificent and fascinating Oracle...
> A train leaves from Chicago travelling south at ten miles an
> hour. Another train heads north at twice the speed but fifty miles
> away. If the trains both leave at noon then at what time and at what
> place will the trains collide? Extra credit: tell how far each train
> went if you answer in miles to the nearest tenth.
- 2005-03-09
> Oh most magnificent, astonishing, four-syllable-compliment-worthy
> Oracle, don't you think it's time you updated the uniforms of your
> priests? Those pastel colours make my eyes bleed.
- 2005-03-04
> Oh g'eat O'acle,
> Are there pirates without r's?
- 2005-03-03
> could jesus microwave a burrito so hot that he himself could not eat it?
- 2005-03-02
Published in the Oracularities issue #1381 (score:3.5)
> Oh wise and dangerous oracle of the bizarre tastes:
> So how much should I offer my neighbour for his daughter's hand in marriage?
- 2005-02-24
> Oh rambunctious Oracle who's joviality is enough to bring a tear to my
> eye ...why are jokes funny?
- 2005-02-10
> Oh Oracle Most Wise,
> he of the chrome-plated toe-nails,
> pray tell me....
> How can I get that annoying beeping to stop?
- 2005-01-28
Published in the Oracularities issue #1378 (score:3.1)
> Grapenuts. Dada food? y/n
- 2005-01-21
> Vast Oracle, you are so resplurgent that I am beside myself in
> wonder. I'll never understand you now.
> Why are there so many stars when I can see so few of them?
- 2005-01-19
> Mingle well, Mingle well Mingle all the way,
> Ho what fun it is to slide in a wet warm hole one way,
- 2005-01-17
> HÉ\231ld !¡! sowÉ\231 oâ\210« tμÉ\231 lÉ\231â\210«â\210«É\231É»s ou
> wykÉ\231ypo@É»p μ@^É\231 pÉ\231É\231u fl!ddÉ\231p nbsipÉ\231
> pomu. Mμ@t sμonlp I po?
- 2005-01-13
> <html><div style='background-color:'><DIV class=RTE>Am I doing the right thing - taking a break from my relationship?</DIV></div></html>
- 2005-01-06
Published in the Oracularities issue #1379 (score:2.9)
> > What is the difference between a woman and one hundred and twenty
> > pounds of flour?
- 2004-12-25
> Oh Oracle, please tell me:
> Why do the angels fall first? Shouldn't demons fall first?
> Thank you!
- 2004-12-19
> Great Oracle, without whom we would all be trapped in a snowbank of
> ignorance, please answer my question.
> A 14-inch-diameter ham and pineapple pizza is cut into six slices of
> unequal size. The largest slice has exactly 1.6 times the area of the
> smallest slice. Two other slices are eaten before they can be
> measured. What is the average surface area of a single slice?
- 2004-12-18
> Oh wondrous Oracle, second only to Mohummad and Allah in greatness, please answer my question.
> How can I assure the Western World that Islam is a religion of peace?
> Also, Lisa was seen walking around in public (unescorted, mind you)
> without any sort of hair cover. I was able to intervene, but next time
> she'll need to be stoned to death.
> God is great!
- 2004-11-26
> why am i thirsty?
> http://quiz.ravenblack.net/blood.pl?biter=Sabot+Age
- 2004-11-17
Published in the Oracularities issue #1374 (score:3.5)
> Extra-huge Oracle, you know more than the Empire State
> Building, combined! I bet you know where King Kong lives.
- 2004-11-16
> I needed to get to San Jose, California, but the person
> at the help desk thought he should translate the Spanish
> part of my question, and now I'm in St. Joseph, Missouri.
> What's the way to San Jose?